Dog-Ends and Green Things

You know what I hate? Between shops, when you’ve got…when you’ve scoffed all the good stuff, but there’s plenty of the rest, and you’re staring into the fridge like “what can I do with one stalk of bok choy, two cherry tomatoes, and ALL THIS FUCKING ORZO?”

Why is this water convolvulus turning purple?

Are these dolmathes from yesterday or…wait, when’d I last have dolmathes?

Sod it. I’ll have the deli send up a plate.

But I should eat that orzo before it goes bad. Does pasta go bad? I have some olive oil. I could put that on the orzo, and the bok choy and the tomatoes. It’d be sort of a salad, with some carbs thrown in.

I wish I had water chestnuts, or some mint or oregano. Bocconcini. Artichoke hearts.

This is such a first-world problem. Time was, I’d be three weeks from my last shop, trying to convince myself five-day-old pizza’s a reasonable thing to eat. I’d try just the crusts, because those might be safe, and I’d drink lots of water so my stomach wouldn’t eat itself. And then I’d get money, and I’d get a honking bag of rice, and some honey and sesame seeds, and I’d make these huge rice balls and gobble four or five. Sometimes, I’d turn the oven on for five minutes and open the door, and eat my rice balls in front of it, so I could be warm while I ate.

I don’t even like rice balls, even the good ones with plums in the middle.

I’d have killed for some orzo back then. Now, I’m like “should I eat that, or some weird caviar eggs?”

Maybe I’ll get bubble tea. I’m more thirsty than hungry. How many calories are in mango stars? Can I count them as a meal? You can never quite get all of them, can you? It always ends up, you’ve slurped all the tea, and there’s five stars still left, and you hoover with your straw, and you hoover till your ears pop, and they just won’t suck up.

When I first ordered mango stars, I thought they’d be actual mango. (They’re mango-flavoured jelly. They’re good, but I’d prefer actual mango. Bubble tea shops, take note: I want actual mango.) I should just, y’know, go downstairs and get a mango. There’s a T&T right there.

I hope I haven’t missed my hunger window, you know, when you don’t eat when you’re hungry, and you get sick instead. That’s just the worst, man, the absolute pits. I hate when I miss my hunger window. One time, I missed my hunger window, and I didn’t get another for a month. I didn’t go the whole month without eating, of course, but I mostly stuck to Ensure and Gatorade. Not nutritious. Not delicious. Zero stars.

What do people usually do when they miss their hunger windows? I can’t be the only one with hunger windows.

Mm…I’ve been trying this…this…fish oil and probiotic thing, lately. Someone said it would make me hungry. It’s not making me hungry. It’s just making my teeth taste like fish.

Fuck it. I’m having that orzo. Let’s call it a pasta salad. How posh am I?