It Looms

Check it out: my first panorama, starring that great, stupid ladder. You can’t quite get the scale of it from an ordinary shot, so here it is with my building, and the city below. See, in particular, the tall trees to the right, and how stubby they seem by comparison.

It’s such a big ladder.

You know what would be brilliant? If it somehow attracted a plague of spiders, or maybe those tent caterpillars—if they draped it in silk from the earth to the sky, and everyone complained. It would especially rule if a million tiny spiders went sailing down Kingsway, landing on people’s heads and infesting their cars. Attracting hungry birds. The whole street would be spiders and bird shit. I’d pay to see that.

I think I will set up my camera next time it thunders. I’m not sure what that ladder’s made of, how conductive it is, but it’s the tallest thing around. That’s got to make it a target.

I got out of bed today, if only briefly. I walked fifteen minutes and tried to do some yoga, but I’m terrible at yoga, so I tripped over my own feet and did every pose wrong. Maybe I’ll switch to tai chi, but experience tells me I’d mess that up too. What’s the easiest way to exercise when you’re rubbish at everything? I should probably stick to walking.

(Note to self: orange juice is never worth it. The heartburn lasts days. Yes, every time. Yes, even with bread. A pox on orange juice.)