From the Department of Moths and Night Terrors

…I just mistook a bunch of football players in a huddle for a luna moth unfolding its wings.

I need new specs, desperately. Also, here’s a list of things that have frightened me today:

1. People laughing on TV. My ears went all alien, and the sound made no sense…I heard laughter and saw spinning blades.

2. A piece of roast beef. I thought it was a roach. I found a roach once, in Texas, as big as my hand. I thought it was that roach, and I was like didn’t I squash you and paint you and glue you to a cross, and didn’t I post you to Canada with my art school portfolio?—but it was only roast beef.

3. The sun. It peeked out from behind a cloud.

4. Adolf Hitler. I saw his picture. I didn’t like that. If I made a list of my phobias, Hitler would be on the second page, above hairy vegetables but below living Nazis.

5. This guy in the lobby. He was wearing a big coat, y’know, one of those Michelin ones. He had long legs, long thin ones, and I thought…I don’t know what I thought. Just, his shape was all wrong. He didn’t register as human, but then he moved…. It was like a lamp came to life, or a hat stand, just wrong.

6. A contract. I was scrolling down, looking for the dotted line, and there were too many pages. I got this moment of existential dread, like what if this never ends? What if this contract goes forever, and this is my life now, and I’m trapped on this page?

7. A piece of celery. I choked on it.

Come to think of it, with the exception of the laughter and the celery, all of the above might be remedied by new specs. The world’s a horrorshow when it won’t quite resolve. Things change into other things. They shift before your eyes.. Hitler jumps from a meme. The sun is too bright. It feels like you’re dying, but it’s just you can’t see.

The one benefit of poor vision is the city at night. There’s a thin band of buildings along the skirts of the mountains, and they gleam in the dark, all blurry green fire. I watch from my window, and I dream of a necklace like that. Nothing’s that shiny, not diamonds, not gold…you can’t get that sparkle at Birks.

You know what I want? One of those Roman numeral bracelets from Tiffany’s, the ones that go III, VI, IX, XII all the way round. Normally, I hate Tiffany’s—their stuff’s just so tacky, and everyone has it—but that bracelet, I want. It’d be like wearing a watch, only it doesn’t tell time….

Finally, I should note that whenever I take a day off, I go the whole time feeling like I’m forgetting something important.

9 thoughts on “From the Department of Moths and Night Terrors

  1. πŸ˜€ It’s funny what stupid thoughts go through our heads – the moving lampshade made me laugh. What is it with skinny trousers and huge coats – I don’t get that look at all?

    You want vision induced scary though – I once broke my glasses in a wood on a dark day. Sounds fine I know, unless you can’t focus on anything more an a foot away from you and have bad double vision. All those unfocused trees really freaked me out – and I don’t generally scare easily.

    If you go to Tiffany’s, avoid the breakfast, it’s way over priced! πŸ˜€


    1. I think it’s a sign we’re getting old, when we see people wearing clothes, and we’re like “dude, wtf?”. Though, to be fair, I’ve been doing that all my life. I dress for comfort, myself. That means I don’t buy skinny trousers at all, as they always pinch somewhere. I prefer dresses, which are the most comfortable garment. They drape over you and have no seams in awkward places. Dresses are sort of…the logical thing for human beings to wear. They fit our shape best and give us the widest range of motion.

      That does sound scary, breaking your specs in a dark wood. Especially since woods tend to be full of NOISES, and not knowing what they are can only make them worse.

      If I do buy that bracelet, I’ll definitely do so online. (But I probably won’t. I have loads of bracelets already, and Tiffany’s IS cheesy. So was that movie. Ha, ha.)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh God I’m SO old – I’ve been doing that for years too! The one that gets me is large people and Lycra… WHY???? If I had an arse wider than the width of my shoulders I wouldn’t want to pay attention to it! πŸ˜€

        Dresses do indeed make more sense I agree, certainly they would be less restrictive. I’m sure it’ll take on though. You look good in them but I’d have to shave my legs first πŸ˜€

        πŸ˜€ Very very Cheesy!


        1. I mean, if a person’s comfortable in Lycra, they should wear it, but I don’t understand how ANYONE can be comfortable with something that clings so closely to their skin. You’d think it would chafe between the legs, get all up in every wrinkle, give you a permanent wedgie…no, thanks. I hate leggings and yoga pants and any sort of clinging trouser-type garment. I also hate corsets, bras, really anything that pinches, any sort of extra garment that isn’t strictly necessary. (I mean, I suppose bras ARE necessary if you’re on the larger side, with bits joggling about, but I don’t have that problem. I see no reason to wear one.)

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Well yes, people are certainly allowed to wear what they want that’s true, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they SHOULD – it certainly won’t stop me from seeing them and thinking ‘What the hell are you wearing?’… but then they probably think that about me too πŸ˜€

            I gave up wearing bra’s years ago too – they cut in under the arms awfully πŸ˜€ But I know where you’coming from – I hate being trussed up in my clothes too. I spent so long in the corporate world in suits, shirts and ties that I can’t bare to wear them now – give me loose fitting any day… perhaps I should get a kilt, or a toga.


            1. Ha, ha. For me, the big “you can, but SHOULD you?” item of clothing is undershirts as shirts. I think they call them “wifebeaters,” which is cringeworthy in itself, but then they’re just UNDERSHIRTS. WTF? They’re not meant to be worn by themselves. They’re meant to go under your shirt so your nipples don’t show through. Lycra doesn’t bother me so much, unless it’s gone all baggy and elephantine. That just looks wrong, like a wrinkly second skin.

              I think skirts and skirt-type garments are making a slow comeback for men, but they’re not mainstream yet. But I can see why they would. It has to be annoying for men, being cut off from that option, especially as women can wear trousers/suits/anything we want.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. lol! Yes indeed, undershirts (or vests over here) look bloody awful on there one, even when someone does have decent arms to show off (which I don’t alas!).

                Yep you ladies certainly have the advantage in that regards – you do have much more options. I’m kind of ok with jeans I guess – I don’t think I could stand tight fitted tops anymore though, I have a few medieval style linen shirts which are nice.

                Baggy Lycra – YUCK!!!! πŸ˜€


                1. That’s exactly why I never wear leggings unless EVERYTHING else is in the wash: I have skinny stick legs, and EVERYTHING bags on me. I can put on Spandex tights and they’ll wrinkle around my knees. It’s tragic. (Well, that, and leggings are not comfortable. But they also look ridiculous on me).

                  When I see someone wearing an undershirt as a shirt, all I can see is Onslow from “Keeping Up Appearances.” Oh, nice!

                  Liked by 1 person

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