I’m going to post part of my Russian hate list, not to show off my Russian, which bites, but because I can’t talk about what I REALLY hate, which is my job. My complaint is too specific. Too indiscreet. So here.
- грязных кошек;
- Илью Николаича Долгоносова и его носовой голос;
- русскую грамматику;
- тебя, себя и его и её;
- зеленые вещи;
…no. That didn’t help.
I flushed an old salad down the toilet today. I shouldn’t have done that, but it was smelling up my fridge. I flushed it five times to make sure it all went.
I have six bags of garbage now, and a line of empty cans. Я ненавижу этот мусор в коридоре.
…I hate this garbage in the hall. I hate these cans. I hate it all. I hate the whiff of aging kale. I hate my job. I hate to fail. I hate my boss when he is wrong. I hate him, but I go along. I hate today and yesterday. I hate this bill I have to pay. I want it all to go away.
You know what would be awkward? Saying you don’t hate something in Russian. You’d get lost in all that “не,” like “Я не ненененененене…ненавижу твои ягодицы**.” You might as well hate everything. It’s easier on the tongue.
I have to get rid of this garbage. I cannot have garbage in my hall.
If I were more enterprising, I’d bring the garbage back in. I’d wash it and dry it and cut it into strips. I’d wire those strips together, build a great garbage sculpture. I’d sculpt myself in garbage, the embodiment of self-hate: here my bones, of chopsticks made; walnut shells that were my eyes. Nothing of me that doth fade—plastic bottles never age.
I’m not going to play with the garbage.
I swear I won’t play with the garbage.
I think my boss might hate me. He offered me a project, something to fill in my time, but the pay…am I really worth so little?
Oh, I’m so tired.
* dirty cats; Ilya Nikolayich Dolgonosov and his nasal voice; Russian grammar; you, myself, him and her; green things; everything.
** I don’t (don’tdon’tdon’tdon’tdon’tdon’tdon’t)…hate your buttocks.