What’s a dick for?

Today, I realised something about towels: you’re meant to use them to dry yourself, not drape them over your shoulders to stay warm after a shower.

That wasn’t a joke. I’m in my forties, and I’ve never dried myself. I get out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel, then I brush my teeth and put on face cream. Then I get dressed and put the towel in the wash. (I do get a bit dry. The towel soaks up the moisture down my arms and back. But my hair stays wet, and my legs, and my hands. I leave the bathroom wet, and go to work with wet hair. I’ll probably keep doing it, as it’s the habit of a lifetime, but now I know I’m doing it wrong.

I wonder what else I don’t know? Do pockets have functions beyond holding my change? Are bracelets more than just ornaments for my wrists? Should the other end of my watch chain clip to my clothes?

It’s a shame butlers went out of style. If I had a butler, he’d tell me these things. He might do some of them for me if I thought to ask. He’d keep my towels warm and bring me breakfast in bed. I’d like that sometimes, though not every day.

Towels, though, I didn’t know. I didn’t know what they’re for.