I saw this article the other day, about people getting chemical peels and lip injections, all sorts of procedures so they’d look like their Instagram shots, and all I could think was, like, man. I should make a whole, entire Instagram, just for my horrible teeth.

I’m too lazy to go that far, but here are some pictures. I couldn’t get my back teeth, which are the most horrible of all—but some other day, perhaps. When it isn’t so dark.

Internet dentists, man, behold my foul choppers and despair.