What does it mean when your scalp won’t stop crawling and sharp sounds hurt your ears?

It’s not all the time. It comes and it goes. It has for years, now, but today’s been the worst, like a head full of spiders—fucking great spiders, all creeping up my skull. And it’s been a loud day. My neighbour kept crumpling tinfoil. I could hear him through the walls. I could hear him, and it hurt, and my eardrums kept thrumming. I got in the shower to escape. There’s not much a hot shower can’t fix.

Anyway, am I dying? I asked Dr. Google, but he wasn’t much help. He thought I might like to have a brain orgasm with ASMR. I can’t imagine anything more horrible. I want my nerves to stop tingling, not tingle more. If I could switch my ears off, just give them a rest…they feel overused. Past their sell-by date. Like, you know when your headphones wear out, and you get those little crackles as the wires wriggle loose? That’s what my ears are doing, only they’re doing it by themselves.

It’s probably down to my teeth. You can’t have a mouth full of broken teeth and not get contaminated—endocarditis, you can get, abscesses in your brain. Sinus infections. Rotted bones. This one time, I dreamt my teeth had been fixed, and I woke up licking them. I was licking two healthy ones, and for a moment, I thought….

Oh, I’m so tired. I’ve spent half the day working and the other half trying to troubleshoot my ears. And I drew for a while, but I dropped my pen on the floor. It left a stain on the carpet, which still won’t come out, and now it’s full dark. I can’t see to finish the job.

Mother’ll have my head if she comes for a visit, and I’ve not nixed that stain. Does club soda work on ink? Lemon juice? Vinegar? I’ll just ask my housekeeper. She’ll know, I’m sure.

Even my breathing is bothering my ears. Let me, ah…I need a distraction. What can I do?—something to focus on….


wheat thins
cashew spread (tzatziki-flavoured)
water kefir
bag of crisps
veggie tray, no cauliflower
fruit tray, no pineapple
black bread
marmalade (champagne & blood orange)
white truffle
that soup I like
antipasto tray, no anchovies, no peppers, extra grape leaves
blue Gatorade
bog roll

Is that healthy? I can’t tell. Maybe it’s not enough to eat. I should do it again when I’m hungry. I’m not hungry right now. The pain in my ears keeps spreading down my jaw. Plus, the idea of crunching, that din in my head…oh, it’s too much. People keep honking. I’m going back in the shower.

I’ll grouse less tomorrow, I swear.

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